Listen to this post HERE
At the time that I am writing this it is mid-April 2021 and I’m curious to see what part of my journey I am at in June when this post goes live.
Currently I have been struggling with a reaction to some new face products I tried. A lot of people may say they have sensitive skin. When I say I have sensitive skin we are talking my whole face (minus my nose) has broken out in bright red bumps. My face has been itchy and hot and uncomfortable. On top of that my ego took a hit.
For the past handful of years now, anytime I saw myself I didn’t like what I saw. I would pick apart any and every part of my appearance that I could. I kept wondering how I used to be so confident and carefree with how I looked and now I was hyper aware and harsh with my self-judgment.
For a good portion of my life I had some bad acne from puberty and hormones. I had finally gotten a good grip on how to take care of it when the pandemic hit. When the pandemic hit I had to learn new ways of helping my skin other than getting hydra facials and peels done.
When I had time to think about it I realized I didn’t want to rely on always getting treatments done to my face and I wanted to switch my face products. I started playing with my face products in August 2020.
I was finding some things that were working and some that weren’t great but I wanted to keep looking for products where I fully believed in the ingredients in them and the company that made them. We are talking eco friendly, vegan, and reef safe sunscreen. Glass packaging would also be a bonus.
This brought me to the end of March 2021 when I was still trying to find a sunscreen I would like and I also wanted a deep cleaning mask or face wash to use in conjunction with my other face wash.
I tried out a new method of washing my face and that is when crap hit the fan.
This is just one side of my face and if it looks bad it felt worse. Emotionally and physically.
My face went from being very clear with a few pimples at “the time of my month” to this all over my face. I was frustrated because I did this to myself and because something I had been working at for 8 years was now worse than ever before.
And yet, I am seeing why this needed to happen. As much as I didn’t want to go through this it has taught me the lesson I have needed to learn for so long.
I always thought I would find confidence in myself when my appearance “improved.” I thought in the future I would magically just be confident. That isn’t how it works.
Confidence comes from within.
Just like you can’t expect to go somewhere to find your happiness, you can’t expect to get confident in the future just because time has passed.
Happiness and confidence alike are things you must work on and find within. It starts with you.
So here I am learning, in a slow and painful way, how to be confident. I disclosed to the people I was going to see throughout this skin reaction what was happening and that I knew how I looked. For me, I needed to acknowledge that I knew how I looked and that I was showing up without makeup anyway.
I needed to push myself to the uncomfortable place to grow. I needed to get so uncomfortable in my skin that my only choice was to grow. Confidence was the only way out.
I chose to dive deep and learn to love myself for who I am rather than how I look.
My looks do not define who I am.
My looks do not define my worth.
In a world where looks seem more valuable than life itself it has been a difficult lesson to learn, but I finally have and it makes me feel at peace.
It really doesn’t matter what anyone, other than yourself, thinks about you.
Above all else we need to love and be there for ourselves. We need to cherish our precious moments that we get to grace this Earth.
There is no point in wishing away our moments with hate towards ourselves or others.
If there is anything you take from this post, I would like it to be this: you are perfect as you are and you do NOT need to change yourself for anyone.
Have you gone through something that has taught you a lesson in a hard way? I would love to hear your story.
Keep showing up as the amazing human you were made to be.
Until next time,
Hannah from the future here: it is now June and my face is much happier, yay!