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In my last post I talk about how I’ve been doing fine with my anxiety and that I don’t need professional help.
Well that has shifted. Something in me shifted and I had a big panic attack. I was having my old intrusive thoughts swirling through my brain.
That dark, mean monster in my brain thrives on intrusive thoughts.
The more I feel down, the more it grows.
I know a way to fight this for me is exercise. It just so happened that the day my brain really needed me to workout out, my knee decided that I was barely going to be able to walk. It also just so happened to line up on a day I had a dentist appointment.
My thoughts were thrown into overdrive. I was panicking. I felt like I couldn’t tell anyone about it because I would be annoying them and like my being alive was more of a burden than a blessing for those in my life. Then I felt guilty for feeling this way because why do I have the right to feel like I have any problems. I live a very blessed life and I shouldn’t complain.
I’m not a person who has been thinking like this for many years, but it goes to show that it can happen to anyone at any time.
I am getting to a better place and I am getting professional help. I am not ashamed of that.
Sometimes we need help. If you broke your spine you wouldn’t think “hmm I am qualified to make a decision on how to fix my back so I will do it myself.” So why do we think if something is off in our brain we can do it ourselves?
I think there is a lot we can do for ourselves, but sometimes professional help is needed.
This is one of those times for me. Realistically, I knew for awhile I was slipping. I know that the pandemic specifically has put a lot of stress on me and I have felt very bad anxiety over it.
I am not ashamed to admit I get anxious. I am not ashamed to admit sometimes I’m depressed and really question my existence.
I realize that my journey with anxiety will not be linear. Some days will be good and some days will be bad. Sometimes I will know what triggers me to spiral and sometimes I won’t. But the one thing I do know is that I am not alone and I am not crazy.
I am not my mental health.
My mental health doesn’t define who I am or my worth.
I know this, and when I don’t know it I look for reminders.
Mental health really is such an important thing to discuss.
Open up to the people in your life about how you are doing and check in on your people.
Anyone can experience struggles with mental health.
No one is immune.
There are so many resources out there to help yourself and help others.
Speak up for yourself and for others.
We are not in this alone.
We are all worthy of being alive and living a happy and healthy life.
Whatever you are going through, you can do it.
You are strong.
You are resilient.
You are worthy.
Until next time,
*This was written sometime in April 2021 and now it is June 2021 and I am back to feeling good. I just want to be open about the fact that I have good times and bad times and that my anxiety journey is not linear.*