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I catch myself throughout different periods of my life comparing my own humanly experiences to other peoples’. I judge my life and the validity of my feelings towards things I have experienced based on someone else’s experience.
Is this a healthy thing to do? Absolutely not.
Is it normal to want to sometimes compare what you have experienced to someone else’s experience? Absolutely.
I think it is fine to compare situations to feel like you relate to another person or to not feel alone, but if you minimize your experience or feelings because you think compared to theirs yours aren’t valid, that is not a good thing.
If I am being honest I spend a lot of my life feeling like I am floating around being an imposter. I question my whole life.
-Is what I have gone through really hard?
-Do I really qualify to help people?
-I can’t actually be good at writing, can I?
-No one could possibly care about what I have to say, do they?
-I don’t really have the problems I say I have because others have it worse.
I know there are more things that I think to myself but these are just the things coming to me off the top of my head.
I don’t say these things to try to earn your pity; I say them because I think them.
I am the type of person who will not accept what I don’t want to hear. This is a habit I have been working on because it is something I have done since a young age. I don’t mean I can’t take in information about something and form a new opinion or learn something, but when it comes to words about me I don’t accept them unless I believe them to be true.
This is not a real life example but I thought it could help explain what I mean. Someone could tell me my name is Hannah and if I don’t think my name is Hannah I will either try to argue the point or I will say okay but think inside my head “yeah, sure, okay, like my name is Hannah. That is bizarre.”
This isn’t always the case, but a great deal of time I just struggle to accept what other people say is true about me. This most frequently happens in the form of compliments.
When it is inside my own head I minimize my life because others had it worse, were more addicted, were more anxious or depressed, were more successful.
Gross. I don’t even like admitting that at all and seeing it in words really makes me feel not great.
The truth is that this is something I have been working on and something I am sure I will have to work on for the rest of my life.
Just because someone else has had a similar experience that I think deserves to be more valid than my own doesn’t mean that that is true.
I also know that people aren’t (typically) lying to me and I should be more open to accepting what people say to me.
I am a work in progress, but as long as I continue to make progress I am okay with that.
The hardest thing to do is work on yourself and open up the parts of you that you really don’t want to share or think about.
Doing the hard work is worth it.
I don’t have a solution to all of my questions, but one thing I know is that I am valid.
My life is valid. My thoughts are valid. As are you and your thoughts, my friend.
Be courageous enough to work on the hard and scary parts of yourself.
You do not need to minimize who you are for anyone or anything.
Be true to you.
Until next time,