The Crayon.

I work as a nanny for the most amazing family. I get to watch the sweetest little baby ever. She is almost one and a ball of joy. There’s something about her little five tooth smile that melts my heart in a way that I can’t really put into words. I feel so lucky every day that I get to call this my job!

Right now, life has been a little bit stressful. There is a pandemic happening in America. The Coronavirus is taking over the world, or so it seems. Everywhere you look online, it’s there. Every time I turn on the radio, I hear about it. Everywhere I go, someone is talking about it.

I am a person who lives with anxiety. I have had it my whole life. It comes in one main form for me: health. I have always been hyper aware of being sick and how much I do not want to be sick. It used to be an all consuming thing I was dealing with, but for the most part now I behave like a “normal” human. I put the word normal in quotes because what can really be defined as normal?

On the daily I still think about germs much more frequently than anyone I know, but I wouldn’t say I let germs control my life. I wash my hands frequently and sanitize common surfaces basically whenever they get touched. I clean my phone at least once a day. To some people this may seem a bit excessive, but to me I see it as being clean.

If I become anxious, this turns into an obsession with germs. I think about who has touched what I’m touching and what they touched and what touched what they touched. It turns into a spiral. I know how to stop the spiraling by doing what I do best, cleaning.

Since this outbreak of the virus the population seems to have entered my world on some level. They see germs wherever they look. They are scared of getting sick. People are washing their hands more frequently and don’t want to shake hands when greeting another person.

I have been dealing with bouts of anxiety since the outbreak hit America. I see something in the news and the way it is portrayed and I get scared. I talk to my sister-in-law, who is a nurse, and I feel calm. I think the unknown with the virus is scary, but the unknown in life can be scary too.

There seems to be lots of panicking happening about this pandemic. Panic is not the right course of action for anything. Panic causes stress on the body which can make you more susceptible to getting sick. I think it is important to stay informed and take the proper precautions to keep yourself healthy, but do this without panic.

I have to think about myself and the sweet little baby I get to watch. If I start to feel anxious, I take a few breaths and remember to take this day by day and to live my life to the fullest. Life is full of unknowns and a pandemic could take you out, but so could going to sleep at night. You are not guaranteed time on this Earth so it is important to live life and not let life happen to you.

I was thinking about the virus after seeing some news article and I was starting to feel a bit anxious when I found a crayon hidden in the hood of my sweatshirt from my sweet little baby. It brought me back to the present moment and reminded me there is only this moment. Live in the now and don’t overthink things.

Wash your hands, get enough sleep, don’t hang out with sick people, eat your vegetables, stay hydrated, move your body, stay informed, and don’t panic.

Until next time,


Published by Hannah

My name is Hannah. I love nature, animals, and going on adventures. Come along for the ride.

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